I have been causing myself trouble. Or, more correctly, my selfies have been causing me trouble. And not in any of the ways one would usually assume that a selfie could cause trouble.
I had an exciting thing to go to recently, which required me to come armed with a photo of myself. I took roughly 1000 in the lead-up to try and find one that exuded ‘no, honestly, you do want me to be involved in your really cool thing because I am brainy and a promising talent, but also quite attractive and quietly confident and just generally all around very good people’.
My phone is very perceptive – and/or terrifyingly close to being sentient – and sometimes does this thing called ‘Auto Awesome’, which I have no idea how to control. It pretty much just means that my phone notices when I’ve taken a lot of photos of a thing – case in point, my own face – and edits them in fun ways that it thinks I’ll be into. This week, my phone decided to make a nine-frame collage of my face as well as a GIF. A GIF of me pulling selfie faces. As if to say ‘Well, this is obviously what you want, you self-obsessed knob.’
Is there a way to explain what’s happening to a phone? I feel like somewhere in the world there’s a really bored Android software developer who is seeing this stuff and judging me. I judge me too. However, I refuse to delete things like this because it is shame I deserve.
But anyway. This is just one in a long line of selfie-based trauma. Tune in tomorrow!