Reasons ‘Cats’ made me cry

I think it’s wholly unnecessary for me to say that Cats is an amazing show (which I happened to see at the weekend) because a) I can’t stand people who feel compelled to give their opinions on the internet because nobody cares and b) I think it’s been said quite enough in, like, every newspaper. And that’ll do the trick. At this point I’m not exactly going to help ALW’s seat sales because I’m pretty sure there aren’t that many left to sell. So, instead, please find below a list of all the reasons Cats made me cry because, ooh, it was emosh:

1. I last saw it as a 6-9 year old (all children look the same to me so I have no idea how old I was, but suffice it to say that it was somewhere between my birth in 1989, and the show closing in 2002). What have I done with myself since then? All I’ve really managed is to get too old to still be living like I do, and become a very mildly successful internet comedy person. I don’t think 6-9 year-old-or-possibly-older-or-younger me would be thrilled. Where the fuck is my mansion, my parrot, and my paediatric career (I do not know why I wanted to be a paediatrician when I was still very much in the remit of somebody who would go to one herself, but I think it says quite a lot about my perceived superiority at the time…)?

2. I skipped the gym that morning. And most of the previous week. And the 18 months before that. Seeing super-fit ‘cats’ in skin tight lycra, whose legwarmers are fatter than them and whose ankles can touch their ears, works wonders for the self-esteem.

3. Ooh, the music.

5. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE TOUCH NICOLE SCHERZINGER?! It’s so easy to leave her all alone with the memory of her days in the sun. But if you touch her you’ll understand what happiness is and she might stop tugging on my heartstrings for half a minute. Bawling.

6. I definitely cried when I reenacted the role of Grizabella while in shower later that evening. Because I get very method in the bathroom. I also cried when I kicked a high shelf during my version of one of the dance scenes. It was partly out of relief that I could still get my leg that high, and partly because of the internal bleeding. Either way, not a dry eye at the sink.

As a former Front of House person of many years, it hurt me to the very core of my being to take a photo in the auditorium. But apparently I'm just a maverick now. Somebody stop me.

As a former Front of House person of many years, it hurt me to the very core of my being to take a photo in the auditorium. But apparently I’m just a maverick now. Somebody stop me.

 

Happy Monday!*

*Lies.

 

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