I bought maternity leggings the other day. They were in the sale in Topshop and they were in my size. Whenever I go to Topshop and find anything in the sale that even remotely fits me, I am immediately compelled to buy it because it’s such a rare occurrence. You see, I’m not hugely obese or anything, but I’m the weird kind of girl that likes to have my arse covered, and most of their clothes do not fulfill my one criteria. But these did, and I got excited.
I would be lying if I said the episode of Friends with Joey’s thanksgiving pants didn’t cross my mind. When I saw the ‘maternity’ label, it was like all of my Christmasses had come at once. And I got very excited about this year’s Christmas where I could eat myself at least slightly closer towards my grave and not be held back by the usual waistband issues. Hello thirds of dessert!
It was all very exciting. But I learnt an important lesson that day.
If you happen to speak to your family and excitedly announce that you bought maternity clothes, the immediate reaction will not be pride at the amount you’ll be able to put away at your next all you can eat buffet. It will involve a snap of the head in your direction, a laser glare, and a suspicious ‘why?‘.
Don’t make my mistakes, kids. Keep your misconstrue-able purchases on the DL.
Have you ever bought clothes that you needed to keep secret from everyone?