I am in the process of trying to get rid of most of my wardrobe. I have a tendency to dress like a homeless person because those are just the clothes I have, and I need to stop because even I’m tired of looking at myself. But it occurred to me that what I’m actually throwing away is a huge load of fabric, and it upset the ‘hoarder’ side of my personality (In case anyone hadn’t noticed thus far, I am a huge catch) and I just couldn’t throw them. And so, here follows my easy step list for how to make a cardigan cushion cover…
You will need:
1 Cushion that’s seen better days, and 1 Cardigan that has also seen better days.
Step 1: Place the cushion on top of the cardigan. Enjoy visions of what your finished cushion cover will look like. Maybe fantasise a little bit about when you open an Etsy shop selling these, because that’s the next logical step, and plan what you’re going to say in your interviews with craft magazines when you’re a super-famous craft-monger. That’s a thing, right?
Step 2: Realise you should probably measure all of this. You’re not sure why, but, um, measure some stuff. Because that’s what Kirstie Allsopp would do.
Step 3: Get out sewing equipment. Smile inwardly at the fact that you own sewing equipment, and are therefore probably better than 80% of people because you are self sufficient and no, you don’t know what every item in there is for, but you still own it, and that’s what counts.
Step 4: Realise that there is no way in hell you can make an entire cushion using the teeny needle that comes in your sewing kit. I mean, you technically can, and that’s what they used to do in the wartime, but this isn’t the wartime and people have really high-tech sewing machines now that do a whole load of stuff you don’t understand. This is probably more a job for one of them, Maybe they have an Etsy shop or something. You probably would, if you had a really high-tech sewing machine.
Step 5: Fold cardigan around cushion.
Step 6: Nestle cardigan-wrapped cushion among other cushions and pray nobody ever tries to touch it, move it, or sit on it. What are they? Animals? Everyone knows cushions are for display only.
And there you have it! Enjoy your new life of domestic goddessery, and I’ll see you around. Since I’m in the club too…